🌾SOME CAUSES FOR DIFFERENCES THAT TAKE PLACE IN MARRIAGE:
🔸Man or Women did not see properly before marriage – not pleased with the partner’s look
🔸They look at one another’s shortcomings and don’t look at the good qualities – a believer should not hate any believer
🔸Illness caused by medical reasons like short temper
🔸needs overlooking
🔸give time
🔸discuss at later time
🔸Illness caused not by medical reasons like
🔸jealousy
🔸evil eye
🔸magic
🔸Problems are not dealt with when it occurs -accumulating it
🔸need for dealing in calmness
🔸need for treating maters done intentionally and by mistake, differently
🔸Non fulfilling the obligatory rights of one another
🔸Outside interference – from families etc
📌due to this they should be very cautious of any outside interference especially when it is intended for separation
🔸Husband has more than one wife and he does injustice
▶STEPS FOR RECONCILIATION
For Deficiency with the Husband steps for wife:
1. Humbly speaking the mater in a nice manner
2. trustworthy Individuals/ from Family/ who have positive influence to speak to husband
3. think of  what would be the result of separation – if she finds staying with husband is better (eg due to – old age, children, general benefit of situation) She compromises some of her rights
🌾Example from the time of prophet – Sauda bint Zam’a (radiallahu anha), wife of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) –she compromised one of the greatest rights of a female – giving her nights to Aisha (radiallahu anha)
For Deficiency with the wife steps for Husband:
1. Admonishes, Reminds wife: to fear Allah,
🔸Rights of Men over Women. eg. the hadiths:
🔸“If I were to order any individual to bow to another, I would order the females to bow to their husband…”
🔸Obedience to the husband is one of the greatest means by which a women can enter into Jannah…” etc

🔸Shaykh Mentions: “I do not say these narrations so that the men can approach the wife with opression… But I mention so that the women is well informd of the rights of her Husband over her and that she can fear Allah with regards to her husband. “
2. Abandon Sleeping with his wife
3. Hits his wife in a legislated manner.
🔸not more than 10 times

not in a place that would cause bodily harm
🔸should not leave mark etc…
🔸the purpose of hitting is to inform that the situation is serious, not to punish or harm her
PROBLEM STILL PERSISTING:
🔸The reconciliation then is very difficult
🔸They call someone eg. from his family and her family – that which is legislated is that they call Judge from his side of the family and her family – someone should represent man and women – individuals who have wisdom – strong intellect.
🔸they listen to both the parties and gives a ruling after advising with reconciliation
🔸if they notice there is no means of reconciliation, then they would advice that they seperate
🔸Man merely divorces without payment
🔸if Female seeks separation returns mahr for the man
🔸And the ruling of the judges should be executed
What is also important is that the men pays close attention to the advice of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam with regard to women – the Wasiya – farewell hajj speech
🔸“be kind to women..”
🔸she is like a captive with you…” – this should cause the men to be merciful, gentle with the wife.
🔸man should not take advantage of women’s weakness and oppress her

🔸“the best of you is the best to his wife…”
🔸Prophet had issues with his wives and did hijrah for 29 days – but he was gentle, patient and kind to his wife.
🔸There is no house free of problem
📌Men and women should look at the future:
🔸the bad results of separation
🔸what happens to the children
🔸evil outcome of separation in society 
🔸who would approach after this? (for females)
🔸Own family conflicts
But Shaykh mentions:
🔸“if there is pure turmoil, anger and aggression in the house and no compassion, then the final step is seperation.”
🔸Talaaq is not always evil

Muslim Family II – Shaykh Ali Haddaadi / Mustafa George 
by  Shaykh

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